Posted on September 14, 2009 - by Joanne Del Core

Pressing the help button

Last week, I was asked to focus on my top 4 values and indicate on a scale of 1 to 10, how much I’m honoring them in my life: 1 = not at all, 10 = yes, and then some! The next step? Indicate one action that would move it towards a 10 or beyond what is imaginable.

 I know that my inner compass is guided by these 4 values: truth, freedom, spirituality and independence and as I reflected on them, I thought about what to do to increase their presence in my life. The funny thing is, when I got to my value of independence (the one I deem to be off the charts and beyond a 10), I froze. But why? My brain has always been my biggest alley when it comes to my fierce sense of independence and in this instance, it was still patting me on the back and telling me that I was doing everything I could to amplify it in my life: I deliberately create a life that works for me and that is aligned with my truth (check), I allow myself the time to be introspective and listen to my internal dialogue (check), I take responsibility for my actions and words (check), and I guide myself according to my values (check check check). Independence means relying on me, myself and I and my brain was in agreement with it. Right? Or maybe not so right?

That night, while fast asleep, I was awoken by a faint whisper in my ear: “Joanne, independence relies on others.” What? My body shook from the jolt and I sat up straighter than an ironing board. Then came another wordy wind. “True independence, Joanne, requires you to depend on others. A truly independent person asks for help when they need it.” I chewed on this some more, even more intrigued by this second part of the message. I needed to ask for help? Hmmm. What circumstance in my life needed attention? What was the lesson here for me?

I must be brutally honest. Asking for help is not my forte. I’ve always been very careful about potentially burdening others with the challenges/circumstances of my life. Plus, how much asking is considered too much or needy, or too much reliance on others and not enough on myself? When is the line of being responsibe for myself drawn?

Coincidentally, this lesson was put to the test for me this week and I was faced with some intense life circumstances that required help from others. Yes, I recognized that I couldn’t be everything to myself in that moment. I needed others to support me, to help me grapple with my fears and to love me through all the fog and uncertainty of life.

Here’s what I learned. The simple act of asking for help requires nothing more than independence. When I allow myself to lean on others, I’m acknowledging what I need and who and where to go for the answers. That’s independence – knowing what you need and knowing how to get your needs fulfilled. Even President Obama carried the same message this week in his address to students. He said: “Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals …”

We are much more powerful when we band together and act as a whole rather than a single unit. Like the saying goes, two heads are always better than one. But on a deeper level, when people come together, there’s opportunity for creation, possibility and change in the world.

I challenge you to take a good look at your relationship with asking for help. Press that help button and see what’s possible for you.