Do you ever feel guilty for saying things that are uncalled for when you’re upset or angry? Ever feel like your upset shouldn’t have a voice or wouldn’t serve you or the situation you’re in? As a matter of fact, I’ve come to see just how crucial and important it is to get everything out on the table: the words, the feelings, the hurt, the “opinions” that matter to me and the yuckiness that comes from feeling betrayed, offended and misguided. I’ve learned that blowing off steam is more than ok. It actually feels pretty darn good.
In fact, I went through my book collection today and picked up “The Language of Letting go” by Melody Beattie (my essential personal guide-book, coach, truth-teller and equalizer). I use this book when I’m searching for my own resolve about a situation I find myself in and I randomly choose a passage to read. 100% of the time, it’s spot on with the lesson that I’m learning in the moment and brings awareness to the external influences that I’m unable to see that are driving the bus. It always illustrates the resolution that is needed in order to move forward. Here is today’s pick I thought I would share with you. Beautifully poignant and liberating. Enjoy!
Getting it all out
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it’s not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn’t need to complain.
What does that mean? We won’t have feelings? We won’t feel overwhelmed? We won’t need to blow off steam or work through some not-so-pleasant, not-so-perfect, and not-so-pretty parts of life?
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don’t have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
Getting it all out doesn’t mean we need to be victims. It doesn’t mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn’t mean we won’t go on to set boundaries. It doesn’t mean we won’t take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward. Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side – the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. “Together” people have their not-so-together moments. Sometimes, falling apart – getting it all out – is how we get put back together.
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.