Author Archive

Posted on January 9, 2011 - by Joanne Del Core

Let it rip!

Do you ever feel guilty for saying things that are uncalled for when you’re upset or angry? Ever feel like your upset shouldn’t have a voice or wouldn’t serve you or the situation you’re in? As a matter of fact, I’ve come to see just how crucial and important it is to get everything out on the table: the words, the feelings, the hurt, the “opinions” that matter to me and the yuckiness that comes from feeling betrayed, offended and misguided. I’ve learned that blowing off steam is more than ok. It actually feels pretty darn good.

In fact, I went through my book collection today and picked up “The Language of Letting go” by Melody Beattie (my essential personal guide-book, coach, truth-teller and equalizer). I use this book when I’m searching for my own resolve about a situation I find myself in and I randomly choose a passage to read. 100% of the time, it’s spot on with the lesson that I’m learning in the moment and brings awareness to the external influences that I’m unable to see that are driving the bus. It always illustrates the resolution that is needed in order to move forward. Here is today’s pick I thought I would share with you. Beautifully poignant and liberating. Enjoy!

Getting it all out

Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it’s not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn’t need to complain.

What does that mean? We won’t have feelings? We won’t feel overwhelmed? We won’t need to blow off steam or work through some not-so-pleasant, not-so-perfect, and not-so-pretty parts of life?

We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don’t have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.

Getting it all out doesn’t mean we need to be victims. It doesn’t mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn’t mean we won’t go on to set boundaries. It doesn’t mean we won’t take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward. Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side – the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.

We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. “Together” people have their not-so-together moments. Sometimes, falling apart – getting it all out – is how we get put back together.

Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.

Posted on January 8, 2011 - by Joanne Del Core

Blessed Partnership

Relationships are to be consoled as it is to console myself

A beautiful pure soul moves with the flow of his body

In the direction of the tide of his love

The love that soothes, feeds, nurtures and pardons.

His love comes from the ultimate force

And it’s symbiotic with the needs, desires and deepest yearnings of my spirit.

He is the ultimate partner

The one that holds a shield of protection even in the darkest of moments

He doesn’t play Russian Roulette with my heart

But rather plucks the delicate strings that make up the sweet tune of my essence, my purpose…my momentary existence.

He makes partnership easy, respectful, delicate and in tune with all that is real, meaningful and intangible.

My head knows it’s not about me

My heart knows it’s hurt

My body knows it’s tired

And my spirit celebrates my learning.

It has passed. I have overcome my demons.

Posted on December 12, 2010 - by Joanne Del Core

Life Cycle

Duality is bitter sweet

I flow into you

You flow into me

Where am I when I flow into you?

Many times I don’t know

Is that ok with you?

Does that mean I’m lost?

My body knows I’m moving

My emotions know I’m swarming

My spirit knows I’m earthly

My heart knows I’m learning.

If you ever tell me the old me is gone, I will cling onto life and revive it

If you tell me the new me is emerging, I will cling onto the edginess that protects where I’ve come from

This is not about burning the old me away.

It’s about the all encompassing me that is.

And that is ENOUGH.

Never will I bury her nor will I demonize her.

She is my light and forever will be.

Posted on October 21, 2010 - by Joanne Del Core

Affirmations…why they DON’T work

The essence behind what I do for a living is to help individuals synchronize their thought process with their truth – many call that the practice of positive thinking. I call it the process of natural thinking. We were born naturally positive thinkers; we’ve just been tainted by societal conditioning.

As a matter of fact, I’m seeing us as a society buy into another lie: the self-help craze. We’re buying books and reading articles and attending seminars related to growth like never before. It’s a great thing to see people waking up, developing, growing and wanting to be their best. What I’m narrowing in on is the quality of all of this information that we’re being fed. There are many times I notice the incongruence in what people are saying, believing and doing and the nature of their discussion often sounds rhymed off by the latest top selling book. I feel like we’re being brain washed again on some level. The information that’s out there is all well intentioned, I just question how effective it all really is.

As an investigator and calibrator of effective tools, I have always been attracted to what works and what doesn’t. I resonate with tools that point to the truth and that’s why I’m not a huge fan of affirmations. I like what they’re trying to create I’m just not convinced of their effectiveness.

Affirmations are statements of things that you want to be true in your life. It’s a practice rooted in conscious thinking (which builds mindfulness). So, if I’m a person who’s having financial troubles, the general rule is to create an affirmation to tell myself that “I am rich” and hope that my life will magically change as a result of concentrating and repeating that statement (the Law of Attraction and such). Well, my mind goes haywire with that statement.

If however I were to ask myself, why am I so rich? Well that would elicit a completely different dialogue altogether. I would immediately try to find ways to answer that question and that would help me to create a perspective that would resonate with me because it’s nurturing the belief that on some level, I am already rich and part of me knows that I’ve created richness in my life. That’s when belief becomes strengthened and from belief comes change – real tangible change. This is called an AFFORMATION – a tool that encourages you to focus on what you HAVE and not what you DON’T HAVE.

Afformations, invented by Noah St. John (whose work I’ve come to really respect because it’s grounded in truth) is based on the realization that the human brain has a truth/lie detector built right into it. Any statement we make has to face the jury of our mind to decide its validity. Here’s where we access the war in our brains and where we squash the truth we know in our hearts.

On the other hand, when we come from a place of curiosity and ask our brain questions, our brain goes into search mode to find the answer. Why is this important? Because if the human mind automatically starts to search for the answer to questions, then we’ve got some authentic activity going on. So why are we throwing statements around when our brain doesn’t naturally embrace them? Let’s work with what nature graciously gave to us shall we?

So, afformations are based on questions not statements. And the quality of the question we ask our brain, matters a great deal. Mr. St. John asserts that when we ask our brain lousy questions we get lousy answers. “Why can’t I do anything right? Because I’m a loser. Why am I such a loser? Because I suck at following through. Why am I always falling behind? Because I’m not disciplined enough.” In Noah St. John’s words: when you ask lousy questions you get lousy answers and you get a lousy life!

Let’s put this into practice and use money as the subject to create an afformation. Ask yourself what is the limiting belief that’s at work for you around money. Then figure out the opposite belief that you have about the subject and then form that into a question. So if the fear is that no one will ever pay you more than they do now, then the afformation could sound something like: Why do I attract jobs that pay me so extremely well? Or why do employers/clients love to pay me such a high wage? Keep repeating these afformations and watch what happens!

What I like about afformations is that they directly invite you to focus on what you already have in your life. And what you have is a product of who you are. And who you are is your truth and when you focus on that, it builds and you see its benefits in your life. Isn’t this a cool little tool to help you get to your core?!

Posted on August 20, 2010 - by Joanne Del Core

From the love of power to the power of love

* “Recognize how you are holding self-love and power in combination. Since love is the only power there is, power can only be misused by someone who doesn’t love himself or herself. The lack of self-love is the singular basis for all power struggles both personal and collective. When you love yourself you begin to see your innate connection to all that is and (therefore) you wouldn’t think of trashing or abusing yourself…”

*An excerpt from a book I read while in dance class. Its title escapes me.

Posted on March 21, 2010 - by Joanne Del Core

When does forgiveness become real?

I’ve often heard of the idea of forgiveness being the way to the ultimate in freedom. It’s written everywhere. In the Bible, Jesus says “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you”. Ghandi said, “the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” (An eye for an eye makes everyone blind). Mother Teresa said “if we really want to love, we must learn to forgive.”

How do we get to the point of forgiveness when someone has done you wrong? A wrong that hits you below the belt, that cuts off your oxygen supply, that disenables you to the point of paralysis, depression and hate. What do you honestly do then? I mean, how do you really live through it? How do you start to forgive in this state? When I have felt anger I’ve been guilty of going directly to this thought: will the wrongdoer really get what they deserve? Is there such a thing as comeuppance or karma? What I’m curious about is how do you get to the point of feeling that you were wronged to showing love toward that person. It seems like a huge leap.

I was reading an article this morning about vengeance. A woman was writing about her 3-year torturous struggle with emotions of bitterness and vengefulness toward her ex. Her husband left their 17-year childless marriage (by choice) within 6 months of meeting someone else who had 4 children of her own. Just after the breakup, her ex insisted that they remain friends – he still loved her after all, he just couldn’t live with her and wasn’t in love with her (that’s another blog posting unto itself). But the one thing that struck me about this situation was the feeling of vengeance. How do you really go on when all you ever consistently feel is this hateful, I want to hurt you feeling? How do you get past the imprisonment of the pain?

The Greek philosopher Plato often said, through the main character of his stories, Socrates, that it’s better to suffer injustice than to do injustice. Plato being an agnostic but one who enjoyed religious stories, argued that doing the injustice creates the most harm. I think what Plato is getting at is that at its most basic and fundamental level, the deepest most fulfilling experience in our human lives, is our connection to other people – and when we damage that connection and endanger it by doing wrong to others, we hurt ourselves in the most real sense. Human beings may be able to put the things they’ve done out of their conscious mind, but in the back of our brains we always remember our past deeds and vices. Someone once told me that their teacher used to say that all of us carry around a ‘catalog of concupiscence’ in our minds, always reminding ourselves subconsciously of the wrong things we’ve done and feeling shame and desperation because of them; a large part of life is getting rid of that shame and dealing with those perceived wrongs so that we can be more fulfilled.

I’m a big advocate of self-care and feeling the feelings: getting in touch with the basic right to feel (second chakra) which is related to your emotional identity and its orientation toward self-gratification.  A healthy emotional identity means you can clearly identify your feelings and their sources and can experience them and work through them appropriately. When you know your own feelings, you are less likely to project them onto others or become dependent on others for your well-being. This sense of knowing what you’re feeling, promotes well-being and is a natural healing force. So next time you’re feeling anger – feel it, scream into a pillow and let it rip. Find a way to safely express your anger. It will then morph into another emotion. Possibly frustration. Let yourself feel frustrated. Keep going and allow the emotions to work through you (whatever wants to surface). You will eventually get to the point of love. Once you’re there, forgiveness is a step away.

The beauty about being human is that we’re able to feel all the emotions of the rainbow. And what benefit does that have you may ask? Emotions allow us to fully step into growth, change and possibility in our lives. We become renewed and fully self expressed. And that to me, sounds like freedom. The ultimate freedom.

Posted on November 25, 2009 - by Joanne Del Core

What needs to be said? My two cents

I need to say a lot of things tonight but I’m not quite sure how to say them or what words to use. Does that ever happen to you? When you come across something so magical, so big and so grand, that words really are not enough? It’s clear that tonight, something bigger than me, is at work and I’m struggling to find the right way to describe it. All I know is that something needs to be expressed.

So here’s my attempt. My life is more than about coaching. My life is made up of chance encounters, daring experiences, and twists and turns that lead me into new encounters and even bigger experiences. When I combine them all, they make up my purpose. I am a connector – a connector of things, of people, of events and of moments. As I take a step back and view my life at 360 degrees, I realize that all of the circumstances in my life that I have felt victim to, have arisen for one simple reason: to mirror and reflect the greatness that lies within me, which is my birthright. Many times it’s been easy to fall into the old patterns, the self limiting beliefs and into the constructs of the ego and what I realize tonight, is that those things aren’t so bad. I embrace them all because they’re bringing me closer to my truth, closer to who I really am and closer to the person I need to be, for me, for my clients and for the world.

I fall into patterns because I become unconscious to a value that’s important to me. I remember a self-limiting belief because I silently hold onto a fear that runs my life. I revert to my ego because I’ve made a choice to be what society needs me to be. This is part of being human. And I’ve made peace with that. And as soon as I become neutral to it all and refrain from judging it, something begins to shift. New learning opens up for me. What I’ve learned is that everything and everyone are needed in my life. From a relationship that ends badly to a career that falls apart or a really bad decision that has made me go into a completely different direction – it all serves a purpose: to heighten my awareness and to bring me back to my truth. It may not feel very good and in fact it may feel really lonely, ugly and tumultuous but there is always help along the way. It appears in different ways through people that present themselves in my life, to chance encounters or fortuitous coincidences that I bump into along the way.

So what I have to say tonight is: dare to be YOU. In fact, I challenge you to be everything you have decided to hide, to bury and to conceal. Stalk your awesomeness for the sake of the rest of the world around us. We need your gifts in their purest forms.

Have a listen. Link: The Greatest Contribution

Posted on October 31, 2009 - by Joanne Del Core

Where have you been?

Heart of hearts
Wounds of wounds

Hallow are the hollow
Fullness are the empty
Mindlessness are the mindfulness

How can I open up to the wounds of the past if I can’t feel them?

Numbness is the ambivalence of the mind
You are playing strip poker with your spirit who always wins

The void is the hallow fullness
Trust is the hallow emptiness

Die and give up your addictions to give birth to your richness.

Posted on October 31, 2009 - by Joanne Del Core

Free love

Love comes and finds me
Embraced by endless streams of attunement

You need not rise up to the truth
It’s in attendance and in grand abundance.

Couples reunite, families amalgamate,
Singles thrust themselves into the light of love

Whosoever asks for it, there it shall be found.

No hidden catch, no strings attached. Just free love.

Posted on September 14, 2009 - by Joanne Del Core

Pressing the help button

Last week, I was asked to focus on my top 4 values and indicate on a scale of 1 to 10, how much I’m honoring them in my life: 1 = not at all, 10 = yes, and then some! The next step? Indicate one action that would move it towards a 10 or beyond what is imaginable.

 I know that my inner compass is guided by these 4 values: truth, freedom, spirituality and independence and as I reflected on them, I thought about what to do to increase their presence in my life. The funny thing is, when I got to my value of independence (the one I deem to be off the charts and beyond a 10), I froze. But why? My brain has always been my biggest alley when it comes to my fierce sense of independence and in this instance, it was still patting me on the back and telling me that I was doing everything I could to amplify it in my life: I deliberately create a life that works for me and that is aligned with my truth (check), I allow myself the time to be introspective and listen to my internal dialogue (check), I take responsibility for my actions and words (check), and I guide myself according to my values (check check check). Independence means relying on me, myself and I and my brain was in agreement with it. Right? Or maybe not so right?

That night, while fast asleep, I was awoken by a faint whisper in my ear: “Joanne, independence relies on others.” What? My body shook from the jolt and I sat up straighter than an ironing board. Then came another wordy wind. “True independence, Joanne, requires you to depend on others. A truly independent person asks for help when they need it.” I chewed on this some more, even more intrigued by this second part of the message. I needed to ask for help? Hmmm. What circumstance in my life needed attention? What was the lesson here for me?

I must be brutally honest. Asking for help is not my forte. I’ve always been very careful about potentially burdening others with the challenges/circumstances of my life. Plus, how much asking is considered too much or needy, or too much reliance on others and not enough on myself? When is the line of being responsibe for myself drawn?

Coincidentally, this lesson was put to the test for me this week and I was faced with some intense life circumstances that required help from others. Yes, I recognized that I couldn’t be everything to myself in that moment. I needed others to support me, to help me grapple with my fears and to love me through all the fog and uncertainty of life.

Here’s what I learned. The simple act of asking for help requires nothing more than independence. When I allow myself to lean on others, I’m acknowledging what I need and who and where to go for the answers. That’s independence – knowing what you need and knowing how to get your needs fulfilled. Even President Obama carried the same message this week in his address to students. He said: “Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals …”

We are much more powerful when we band together and act as a whole rather than a single unit. Like the saying goes, two heads are always better than one. But on a deeper level, when people come together, there’s opportunity for creation, possibility and change in the world.

I challenge you to take a good look at your relationship with asking for help. Press that help button and see what’s possible for you.