How do we get to the point of forgiveness when someone has done you wrong? A wrong that hits you below the belt, that cuts off your oxygen supply, that disenables you to the point of paralysis, depression and hate. What do you honestly do then? I mean, how do you really live through it? How do you start to forgive in this state? When I have felt anger I’ve been guilty of going directly to this thought: will the wrongdoer really get what they deserve? Is there such a thing as comeuppance or karma? What I’m curious about is how do you get to the point of feeling that you were wronged to showing love toward that person. It seems like a huge leap.

I was reading an article this morning about vengeance. A woman was writing about her 3-year torturous struggle with emotions of bitterness and vengefulness toward her ex. Her husband left their 17-year childless marriage (by choice) within 6 months of meeting someone else who had 4 children of her own. Just after the breakup, her ex insisted that they remain friends – he still loved her after all, he just couldn’t live with her and wasn’t in love with her (that’s another blog posting unto itself). But the one thing that struck me about this situation was the feeling of vengeance. How do you really go on when all you ever consistently feel is this hateful, I want to hurt you feeling? How do you get past the imprisonment of the pain?

The Greek philosopher Plato often said, through the main character of his stories, Socrates, that it’s better to suffer injustice than to do injustice. Plato being an agnostic but one who enjoyed religious stories, argued that doing the injustice creates the most harm. I think what Plato is getting at is that at its most basic and fundamental level, the deepest most fulfilling experience in our human lives, is our connection to other people – and when we damage that connection and endanger it by doing wrong to others, we hurt ourselves in the most real sense. Human beings may be able to put the things they’ve done out of their conscious mind, but in the back of our brains we always remember our past deeds and vices. Someone once told me that their teacher used to say that all of us carry around a ‘catalog of concupiscence’ in our minds, always reminding ourselves subconsciously of the wrong things we’ve done and feeling shame and desperation because of them; a large part of life is getting rid of that shame and dealing with those perceived wrongs so that we can be more fulfilled.

I’m a big advocate of self-care and feeling the feelings: getting in touch with the basic right to feel (second chakra) which is related to your emotional identity and its orientation toward self-gratification.  A healthy emotional identity means you can clearly identify your feelings and their sources and can experience them and work through them appropriately. When you know your own feelings, you are less likely to project them onto others or become dependent on others for your well-being. This sense of knowing what you’re feeling, promotes well-being and is a natural healing force. So next time you’re feeling anger – feel it, scream into a pillow and let it rip. Find a way to safely express your anger. It will then morph into another emotion. Possibly frustration. Let yourself feel frustrated. Keep going and allow the emotions to work through you (whatever wants to surface). You will eventually get to the point of love. Once you’re there, forgiveness is a step away.

The beauty about being human is that we’re able to feel all the emotions of the rainbow. And what benefit does that have you may ask? Emotions allow us to fully step into growth, change and possibility in our lives. We become renewed and fully self expressed. And that to me, sounds like freedom. The ultimate freedom.

 • A mother’s affection is paramount to healthy growth.

• A healthy community must come from the individual.

• Warm heartedness is the factor for a healthy individual and community.

• Constant fear is almost like suicide.

• Whether you love them (others) or not, your existence depends on them.

• We have to stop with demarcation and shortsightedness when we use the words “we” and “they” – we should instead say, “our planet, our home, our brothers and sisters”.

• The destruction of your neighbor is the destruction of ourselves.

• The concept of war is out dated.

• World peace must come from inner peace.

• Genuine peace must come from inner peace.

• Peaceful resolution comes from dialogue – we need to make an effort to promote the concept of dialogue.

• Weapons are useless – we spend billions of dollars to never use them.

• Problems will always be there even when we have peace. As long as fear and distrust are there it will be hard to find peace.

• Compassion is not a sense of pitiness (or a sense of superiority), it comes from a biological factor (affection and compassion are very important for the social animal). Compassion can be limited and biased when it’s mixed with attachment. Biased compassion doesn’t reach your enemy or extend to strangers – it’s limited. Compassion has a seed by nature.

• Compassion combined with (unbiased) intelligence is the real form of compassion and we need to promote it.

• Secularism is a form of religious rejection – we need to work on respect for all religions and have equal respect for those who have different views and for those who are non-believers.

• More education brings warm heartedness. Education and inner peace equal open mindedness.

• Think more!

• Materialism cannot bring peace of mind or fulfillment.

• There are always causes of conditions – always question them. Depression comes from a cause – do your research!

• “Happiness” is common sense – no explanation is needed.

I’m taking notice of these moments tonight. I’m curious about who I’m being in those seemingly, trite, inconspicuous times. There’s something about the small things that seem so big to me. Something about things being small AND big all at the same time. Paradox. They say the devil is in the details. So I wonder who the devil I’m being in those moments. What have I not yet seen of myself that I’m curious to know about myself? Who am I being when I wait? How am I participating with others while I wait? What do I do when I wait?

There’s more to me than meets the eye, even to my own eye, it seems. Human beings are like diamonds. Every diamond has a hundred or a hundred million different facets to it and depending on where the light strikes it, that facet glows. That particular angle and light is then revealed. So, what happens to the other side of the diamond that’s kept in the dark? When do we get to see it? I guess we just need to turn it around and place it under the light and simply notice that it’s there, waiting to be revealed.

Noticing the spaces tells me something about myself. My eyes are wide open and I wait… “Walking carries me, and so I find myself, step by step.”

Almost two years later, I stumbled across some poetry I had written as a result of that evening. I re-read it again tonight and it felt like I was reading it for the first time. I’m amazed at what that evening brought out for me. I’m even more amazed at the words written on that piece of paper. They seem almost foreign to me and I can’t quite remember the last time my voice carried a message so strongly like this. I’m a bit saddened that the significance behind these words hasn’t stuck with me they way I intended them to (or the way I would have hoped for). But, there’s something brewing tonight…because I’m actually writing!

This is my first blog entry after months of writers’ block. I’ve had a hard time with my words lately. Tonight I seem to be breaking through an opaque barrier that has kept me in a muzzle. I’m starting to bubble up with the aliveness that flowed through my body on that October evening in 2007.  So I thought I would share those few words with you to perhaps evoke some inspiration and perhaps at the very least, to share and humbly connect with you.

Thanks to you, I can celebrate life because you so generously entrust me with your heart, mind and soul. I can celebrate devotion because I feel you emanate it and you transmit it to my every pore. I can celebrate purity because I see you remain unclouded and luminous in your resolve and you simply shine with transparency. I can celebrate love because your eyes evoke it without fail. I can celebrate truth because you own it, you confirm it and with you, each step I take defines it, each touch confirms it, and each breathe solidifies it. I can celebrate freedom because you acknowledge it, support it, establish it, embrace it and ride off into the sunset with it. I can celebrate passion with your zest and thirst for all things new, for growth, for knowledge of the world around you and for things that seem bigger than yourself. I can celebrate humility because through you, there’s a deep and prophetic respect for the past, present and future and ultimately a belief in the possible. I can celebrate acceptance – of people and things in their natural state, of the things that can be changed and of the things that seem unchangeable – your courage and wisdom guide you to know the difference and you instill such a profound sense of justice and hope. You have lightened my spirit, heightened my awareness and have made my challenges seem a little less lonely and a lot more bearable.

Tonight I contemplate this: they say that there are always causes and conditions for everything – that the way you are, the way you behave towards people, the way you view the world, the way you react to things, the way you live your daily life, all directly reflect your past, affect your present and predict your future…